LEAVING: How I Set Myself Free from an Abusive Marriage by Kanchan Bhaskar
Memoirist, Kanchan Bhaskar shares her very personal story of surviving domestic violence in her memoir, LEAVING (SheWritesPress) hoping no other woman has to experience the hell she went through.
Raised by two loving parents in New Delhi, India, Kanchan Bhaskar has always been taught that marriage means companionship, tenderness, and mutual respect—so when she enters into an arranged marriage, this is the kind of partnership she anticipates with her new, seemingly wonderful, husband. But after they marry, she quickly discovers that his warmth is deceptive—that the man beneath the bright, charming façade is actually a narcissistic, alcoholic, and violent man.
Trapped in a nightmare, Kanchan pleads with her husband to seek help for his issues, but he refuses. Meanwhile, Indian law is not on her side, and as the years pass, she finds herself with three children to protect—three children she fears she will lose custody of if she leaves. Almost overnight, she finds herself transformed into a tigress who will do whatever it takes to protect her cubs, and she becomes determined to free them from their toxic father. But it’s not until many years later, when the family of five moves from India to the United States, that Kanchan is presented with a real opportunity to leave him—and she takes it.
Chronicling Kanchan’s gradual climb out of the abyss, little by little, day by day, Leaving is the empowering story of how—buoyed by her deep faith in a higher power and single-minded in her determination to protect her children best—she fought relentlessly to build a ramp toward freedom from her abuser. In this memoir, Kanchan clearly lays out the tools and methods she utilized in her pursuit of liberation—and reveals how belief in self and belief in the Universe can not only be weapons of escape but also beautiful foundations for a triumphant, purpose-driven life.
I was born in New Delhi, to educated and enlightened parents with a modern outlook. The environment at home was progressive, rooted in strong values based on caring, respect, trust, and, most importantly, gender equity. Life was simple, secure, and safe, tight-knit communities, their people warm and humble, bringing a sense of camaraderie and fulfillment. This milieu inside the house and outside the community equipped me with a strong foundation. I most certainly evolved to be a delightful, self-assured young woman.
I have always had a fascination with people. The prevalent caste system, the 122 spoken languages, and the 1650 dialects in a country of 22 states with widely diverse religious beliefs intrigued me. Open discrimination across various tiers of castes dismayed me, and the poverty around me appalled me. The one question that bothered my young and naïve mind was, why such disparity? I got the answers later in life when I studied social sciences, the age-long gaps between haves and have-nots, and the prevalent discrimination among cultures and genders. The most revolting societal norm was the subjugation of women, considered the weaker sex, born only to serve men. The contemplation of studying social sciences to understand human emotions and to work with people and for people had taken roots.
The lingering thought, combined with my desire to work at the grass-root level as well as the main frame society, prompted me to choose a related field of study. After earning my undergraduate degree from Lady Irwin College, I pursued and earned a master’s degree in social work (MSW) in 1978 from Delhi School of Social Work, Delhi University. This is where I joined a small group of women, challenging the societal norm of woman’s oppression and fighting for women’s rights and empowerment. We could not mobilize resources enough to take it to the next level. I continued to pursue my studies with an aspiration to work with blue-collar workers in the Industrial sector and understand their dynamics; I took up a postgraduate certificate in personnel management and industrial relations. During my course work, I worked with people in rural areas, slums, red-light districts, and resettlement colonies to educate them and help them to become independent in their social and economic development. I saw the world around me through a lens of reality, which broadened my viewpoint and kept me grounded. I value that phase of my life and give much credit to those years for building my personality and character and creating confidence and grit in me to face the challenges ahead, as there were plenty to come.
My professional career began in 1987 in Human Resources and development, working for a large conglomerate based out of the USA. I moved to the USA in 2000 and continued working with global companies. My interest and expertise in the thirty years of my career have been strengths development through training, mentoring, counseling, and coaching individuals. I am an ardent optimist and believe in living life to the fullest. Music of any genre or language, vocal or instrumental, keeps me connected to my soul. I like to read fiction, non-fiction, and management books. My inquisitiveness to understand cultures and ethnicities has taken me to travel to Asia and Europe. I rely on basic principles of physics, gut feeling, rewiring of the brain, and Karma theory-As you sow, so shall you reap. I strongly believe in the higher power and power of the universe and that one can regulate one’s destiny. My mantra for remaining mindful is Acceptance, Gratitude, and Forgiveness.
I am a survivor of domestic abuse, but I like to call myself a fighter.
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Do yourself one act of kindness - run now & never look back.
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